She`s always there,
men seek to find her.
With silky gold hair
and that cold stark reminder
Showing through deep blue eyes,
you know she`s good
At abrupt goodbyes.
With the spirit of a gypsy;
you can`t tie her down.
She stares at every coast
she leaves with a frown.
It sort of becomes her,
the wind whips her hair,
And you know that you`re lost
In her intricate snare.
Unbeknownst to you,
music builds in studded ears
and she`s tempted, so tempted
to face all her fears.
To drop her bag
onto the deck,
climb the rail
and not look back.
She`d stand up tall
and spread her arms,
breathe in the fresh air,
your eyes wide in alarm:
As she falls,
As she jumps,
As she leaps off the ship,
The water swallowing
like hungry lush lips.
You rush to the rail,
it`s caused quite a commotion,
her resilient mind
given up to the ocean.
She turns to the stairs
Rising away from deck five,
and wonders as she goes
how she`s even still alive.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Anxiety Attack
The rain is falling,
The tears are falling,
I am falling.
Who will catch me.
The pavement.
I am never content,
My thought patterns bent
Against me.
I stare without seeing,
And with my whole being,
cry out,
Save me!
From what.
I wish I knew,
Wish I had a clue,
Wish these feelings were new,
But they're not.
Pray for me,
When you think of me.
Each day for me,
If you think of me.
I walk so fast,
Feet tripping on the grass,
Lungs feeling like glass,
Must have punctured them.
My world caves in,
Like the dark bearing sin.
I can't handle it,
I need to throw a fit,
And just scream.
It's all too much,
hands stretch to touch.
Back away,
Not here to stay.
Can't take these smiling faces,
Can't sit in joyful places.
Why not.
Wish I knew,
Wish I had a clue,
Wish these feelings were new,
But they're not.
Psalm 94:19
"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."
The tears are falling,
I am falling.
Who will catch me.
The pavement.
I am never content,
My thought patterns bent
Against me.
I stare without seeing,
And with my whole being,
cry out,
Save me!
From what.
I wish I knew,
Wish I had a clue,
Wish these feelings were new,
But they're not.
Pray for me,
When you think of me.
Each day for me,
If you think of me.
I walk so fast,
Feet tripping on the grass,
Lungs feeling like glass,
Must have punctured them.
My world caves in,
Like the dark bearing sin.
I can't handle it,
I need to throw a fit,
And just scream.
It's all too much,
hands stretch to touch.
Back away,
Not here to stay.
Can't take these smiling faces,
Can't sit in joyful places.
Why not.
Wish I knew,
Wish I had a clue,
Wish these feelings were new,
But they're not.
Psalm 94:19
"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."
The Wharf.
My darling sister, if you died.
If you gave up
cause when you cried,
No one put an arm around you,
No one even kind of knew you.
You wouldn't let me in.
You talked to walls but not your kin.
Was that me in the bedsheets?
Was that me outside?
No.
I'm not there.
I'm always away,
Never there.
I'm sorry.
You are in a ring, in a maze
Not of your own doing.
I'm looking through the
glass but you don't hear me,
I LOVE YOU.
It isn't enough.
I'M CRYING FOR YOU,
who finds life so tough.
My arms are open,
My heart is open,
Please come.
Please let me hold you.
I want to heal you, make you better.
You run the other way, but beg me for a letter.
A letter about what,
Girl.
How my whole world is upside down because of you-Girl.
Because of what you do to yourself,
Because you won't accept my help.
I need to save you!
I have to know I can.
I'll come home, I promise.
Cross ocean, prairie, sand.
If only you would promise,
You'd take my outstretched hand.
I shed tears.
I laid on the ground
And crossed my arms
And off me fell the years
Between us.
You are my blood,
I will give you my love,
It just kills me to know
It's not enough.
Not enough to save you.
If you gave up
cause when you cried,
No one put an arm around you,
No one even kind of knew you.
You wouldn't let me in.
You talked to walls but not your kin.
Was that me in the bedsheets?
Was that me outside?
No.
I'm not there.
I'm always away,
Never there.
I'm sorry.
You are in a ring, in a maze
Not of your own doing.
I'm looking through the
glass but you don't hear me,
I LOVE YOU.
It isn't enough.
I'M CRYING FOR YOU,
who finds life so tough.
My arms are open,
My heart is open,
Please come.
Please let me hold you.
I want to heal you, make you better.
You run the other way, but beg me for a letter.
A letter about what,
Girl.
How my whole world is upside down because of you-Girl.
Because of what you do to yourself,
Because you won't accept my help.
I need to save you!
I have to know I can.
I'll come home, I promise.
Cross ocean, prairie, sand.
If only you would promise,
You'd take my outstretched hand.
I shed tears.
I laid on the ground
And crossed my arms
And off me fell the years
Between us.
You are my blood,
I will give you my love,
It just kills me to know
It's not enough.
Not enough to save you.
Helpless!
As you talk I hear your pain.
I'm clutching the phone to my ear,
You're crying,
Your heart is dying,
And I will fail you,
My greatest fear.
I'm so far away,
So many hours away,
And they don't believe you.
I do.
They don't see you.
I do.
Come child, I'll love you.
Put the pills back,
The counter there, the cap,
snap it on, snap it tight,
back to bed, flick off the light.
Dark.
But in the dark your eyes find it.
My eyes find you.
Your mind pictures that bottle,
And the pills in that bottle,
And the end in that bottle.
My eyes find you.
I don't know what to do,
Heaven help me.
I'm clutching the phone to my ear,
You're crying,
Your heart is dying,
And I will fail you,
My greatest fear.
I'm so far away,
So many hours away,
And they don't believe you.
I do.
They don't see you.
I do.
Come child, I'll love you.
Put the pills back,
The counter there, the cap,
snap it on, snap it tight,
back to bed, flick off the light.
Dark.
But in the dark your eyes find it.
My eyes find you.
Your mind pictures that bottle,
And the pills in that bottle,
And the end in that bottle.
My eyes find you.
I don't know what to do,
Heaven help me.
Tool kit.
Now enough of sappy breakup poetry. Let's get to YOU darling Cherise.
I can't fix you,
But I want to.
Give me your hand
And try to understand,
I can't fix you.
I can't fix you,
But I want to.
Give me your hand
And try to understand,
I can't fix you.
Thanks dad.
This is what makes you walk,
Until the bubbles float to the top,
Of the murky green water,
It shall be your new father,
The embrace you never had.
Until the bubbles float to the top,
Of the murky green water,
It shall be your new father,
The embrace you never had.
Chilled to the bones.
The sea wants me, shall I go?
It beckons me walk, ever so slow.
Into it's embrace,
Because I cannot face,
What I've done,
And who I've become.
Don't trust me,
For I trust the water,
And it beckons me, come.
It beckons me walk, ever so slow.
Into it's embrace,
Because I cannot face,
What I've done,
And who I've become.
Don't trust me,
For I trust the water,
And it beckons me, come.
Don`t do it.
I lie to myself
That anyone can help.
Why do you trust this girl.
A girl who knows nothing,
Breaks up on somethings,
She doesn't know.
On what if's and chances,
not even worth second glances.
That anyone can help.
Why do you trust this girl.
A girl who knows nothing,
Breaks up on somethings,
She doesn't know.
On what if's and chances,
not even worth second glances.
Wishful Thinking.
Regrettful tears fill up my eyes,
As full and stormy as the maritime skies.
But I won't let one fall,
When you promise not to call,
After all, I asked you.
Don't, I said.
It's for the best, I said.
In good time, I said.
We'll be friends again.
As full and stormy as the maritime skies.
But I won't let one fall,
When you promise not to call,
After all, I asked you.
Don't, I said.
It's for the best, I said.
In good time, I said.
We'll be friends again.
Shout
My bones are not strong enough,
My muscles not toned enough,
My lungs cannot take me
As far as I wish to go.
WHERE do I wish to go?!
Someone tell me, I don't know.
I want to run,
I want to scream,
I want to shout!
SHOUT ABOUT
You.
And only you.
Why did I do this?
Why did I want this?
Why couldn't I see this,
coming. from far away.
From where I wish to go (far away).
Away from here but away from there.
My legs, please take me,
Nowhere.
My muscles not toned enough,
My lungs cannot take me
As far as I wish to go.
WHERE do I wish to go?!
Someone tell me, I don't know.
I want to run,
I want to scream,
I want to shout!
SHOUT ABOUT
You.
And only you.
Why did I do this?
Why did I want this?
Why couldn't I see this,
coming. from far away.
From where I wish to go (far away).
Away from here but away from there.
My legs, please take me,
Nowhere.
Canada Day
Why do you trust me?
Don't trust me.
Why do you love me?
Don't love me!
Anything I touch, I break.
Anyone who loves will hate:
Me.
Because I failed them.
Because I left them.
Because I couldn't love them.
I've surrounded my heart
with thorns, such sharp rose thorns,
and walls,
such thick walls.
Call. Call me on the phone.
Talk. Talk when you feel alone.
I will listen.
Always listen.
And hope.
Hope that you are the last,
that the past is past.
The last three months.
Oh darling, my man.
The last three months,
They fell like ocean sand
Through my clinging fingertips.
That's my limit, my limit!
Expect no more from this person.
From me.
I am not worth.
I am. Not.
Worth your love.
Worth love.
Go!
Forget me!
Forget what I said
As I lay in bed,
In my drowsy half awakenness.
Don't trust me.
Why do you love me?
Don't love me!
Anything I touch, I break.
Anyone who loves will hate:
Me.
Because I failed them.
Because I left them.
Because I couldn't love them.
I've surrounded my heart
with thorns, such sharp rose thorns,
and walls,
such thick walls.
Call. Call me on the phone.
Talk. Talk when you feel alone.
I will listen.
Always listen.
And hope.
Hope that you are the last,
that the past is past.
The last three months.
Oh darling, my man.
The last three months,
They fell like ocean sand
Through my clinging fingertips.
That's my limit, my limit!
Expect no more from this person.
From me.
I am not worth.
I am. Not.
Worth your love.
Worth love.
Go!
Forget me!
Forget what I said
As I lay in bed,
In my drowsy half awakenness.
Cut.
This is where I hurt you,
Where I throw up my brick wall.
I promise this is also where
I feel worth nothing to anyone
At all.
Where I throw up my brick wall.
I promise this is also where
I feel worth nothing to anyone
At all.
Nova Scotia Picnic Table.
In a town, not your own,
Nowhere close to home.
Sitting on a children's bench,
wondering how to possibly wrench
a friendship from them,
a smile from them,
a warm embracing hug
in the name of the Father's love.
How to penetrate their circle,
where relations run so deep.
Nowhere close to home.
Sitting on a children's bench,
wondering how to possibly wrench
a friendship from them,
a smile from them,
a warm embracing hug
in the name of the Father's love.
How to penetrate their circle,
where relations run so deep.
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